In the run-up to Jonathan and Hannah’s wedding, the fear rose that people might not get up and share during the open mic. So we were asked to plan a few words. We scrabbled around making cardboard signs, plus I printed out some famous sayings and arranged them in glitzy frames, and when the day and hour came we carried our paraphernalia up front.


(It was mid pandemic. That was the other thing. We had to bundle up like Cossacks. At least, in the freezing-cold barn—party lights, hay bales, pots of soup—the spiky germs could float safely upwards and into the ether.)


We began on a confident note—


Paulson: You two, congratulations! Great happiness! What a match! You’re each other’s biggest comfort.


Shirley: Of course, you’re in for some jolts. Already you’ve had a few. Everybody has issues.
Paulson: There will come days when you can’t stand each other. The qualities you especially admired in your mate when you fell in love will now seem intolerable. You might even feel like you’ve hit rock bottom.


Shirley: How, you’ll wonder when you’re down in your hole of despair, can you hoist yourselves out? [Digs in the grocery bag for the sign saying BENJAMIN FRANKLIN and waves it around.] As Benjamin once advised, KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN BEFORE MARRIAGE, HALF SHUT AFTERWARDS. [Continues on while Paulson produces from the bag the framed quotation and carries it over to the bridal pair’s table.] Simplistic, maybe. But Benjamin had a point. You’ve gazed hard at one another. You’ve made your decision, a smart one. Now you must try hard to ignore each other’s inevitable flaws. When shutting your eyes feels impossible, go look in the mirror.


Paulson: Something about your spouse is gnawing at you—some revolting habit. You’d like to let loose with a disdainful observation. Instead, switch to thinking about one of your own hateful traits. Let your shame overtake. Almost miraculously, you’ll discover that you’re still standing at the edge of the pit, not sliding down in. You might even be taking a few steps back and realizing, suddenly, that you were lucky to snag such a mate.


And so on. You get the drift.


Lots more people got up and held forth, too—family like us, and others.


Speechifying—that’s the easy part.


(Photo credit: Caroline Murch)


 

 

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